I have a sick child, spent last night having a trip to the hospital and then coming home and i AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired. I have slept all day alongside her and I am wiped out.
however, her temperature I finally breaking and is coming down, seeing how they had no idea what was wrong we just have to sit and wait.
I have been trying to catch up with blogs and things over the last few days and boy do you all write a lot!!!!
I was reading Jen Prior fat girls blog about potty breaks and water and realised that my skin is a mess (not because of the lack of potty breaks I might add!!!!) but because of the lack of water. I have noticed that since a fell back into my old ways I had started eating junk and stopped drinking water. No wonder its a mess. So tomorrows mission is to start back on the water.
I have to admit that I have put on 3lb this week but I had spent last week eating in motorway services which has a lot to do with the damage, so I am hoping that now that I am not on the road I will lose some this week. I am trying to be good and what the intake, then halloween is next week, damn sweeties.......
A friend on mine is starting Lighter Life, something I looked into a while ago and I am still not convinced so will be watching her progress with interest.
I have been in hiding, I hated myself and the world and couldn't get motivated to carry on with this direction in my life, so I hid, took time off work, switched off the laptop and hid and ate......
But here I am at the other side of my slump, I went back to weightwatchers last night and I have put on a pound in the three weeks I have been stuffing my face, for which I am very fortunate, so I am currently weighing in at 317lb.
I don't know what happened I just got very depressed and I was trying so hard just to keep my head above water. I have been to the Doctors and had a load of blood tests done which I am waiting for the test results and my blood pressure is up as well.
I am catching up with all your lovely blogs over this week, boy do you all write a lot, but I am getting there. One day at a time, but I am slowly getting there.
Have a great night, I am off to make soup!
I, rather we (he came with me for moral support .. well maybe out of fear of me throttling the shop owner) went to see the dress today. Fortuntely the dragon and her under dragon were not in the shop, instead I got a young girl of about 19. I told her I was there to see my wedding dress. so she carried on and asked me for the money.
I looked a little bemused and asked if I got to see it before I paid for it, so off she went and collected it. She hung it up and said there you go that's it. (he was hiding in the other side of the shop so as not to see it). By this time I was confused. So I asked, Do I not get to try it on before I pay for it, to which she replied erm yeah I suppose so.
I SUPPOSE SO!!!!!!!!! my god it was like pulling teeth. I can safely say I have not enjoyed this experience at all.
So anyway I tired on the dress and it was too big. (as I suspected after the initial dealing with the shop), its so big I managed to get my clothes on underneath it!!!!!
I don't know if my who experience with the crap staff have just taken the enjoyment out of the whole thing because I looked at the dress and thought hmmm its ok. There was no wow left in the situation. So I have left the dress in the shop until I decide what to do.
But at least I can say the dress is too big, I just hope I can get out the funk I have gotten myself into and lose more weight so the dress is far too big by my next visit.
No its not about me not being able to find clothes to wear because I am too big.
Today I took my girls (7 & 9) into the shopping centre to collect one thing. We were walking through with my friend minding our own when a girl walks past my daughter and says "your fat". To that I turn to find my nine year old in tears and when she told me what happened the girl happened to still be in earshot. So I asked her if there was really any need for that being that she was about the same age but without parents by her side and she actually looked me up and down like I was a complete idiot.
I mean really what is this world coming too. I know that I have a weight problem I don't need anyone to tell me that and I know my daughter is big for her age but she is also twice the height of someone her age and taller than some adults. Needless to say we immediately left the centre to try and console my daughter who was by this time past herself!
Do you remember your first time? (Ohhh err)
The first time you sat and thought about losing weight and what direction you wanted to go. The first time you created your blog and started on a personal journey shared by the world? Were you stuck in limbo and needed some direction?
I feel that I have been in a perpetual circle and I can't escape. I was so focused when I started my blog. I was determined what was going to happen and where I was going to go and how I wanted to look. Things were working, then I don't know what happened.
I don't want a blog where all I do is moan because It puts people off, nor do I want a blog where things always seem great, because they are not. Nothing is easy in this life. I have been on this weight loss dream chasing mission for years, on and off. I don't know what way my life is going to take me, I just know I wasnt to see a little bit more of it and not end up (god forbid) dying and leaving my children alone in the world. God knows they have been through enought trauma in their young lives, more than anyone should see in a lifetime and for once I need to hold my hands up and say I am lost, I am struggling, emotionally, physically, mentally.
I said I was taking some time out to thnk and being alone with my thoughts is something I haven't done for many many years and I a, scared with what I see. All the failure I have been trough, mainly started around the time my marriage failed and I picked myself up and moved on and never thought about what had happened.
I so desperately want to be able to walk the stairs without dying at the top, or to walk round the park without the need to stop and catch my breath, or not to get the look of disjust from the slimmer people, not just in the office, who have never had the problem many of us face. I miss the fun things and this life is slipping by so quickly. Sometime you think you catch it just long enough to see the future and then it gets away form your again and you start the chase again for the ever elusive dream.
Food is like an emotional battleground, taunting me, I hate the gym I have never been a fitness person but it's something Ihave seen over and over in many blogs. Maybe just maybe I can find that spark that gets me on the right path.....
I have spent weeks finding new stuff to watch and started off with Warehouse 13, drop dead diva, 8 simple rules for dating my teenage daughter etc etc but ended up watching a whole series of True Blood. I am sorry but who calls their child Sookie??? where I come from the meaning doesn't suit the program ha ha ha ha.... anyhow now onto the middle of the second series, never thought I would ever catch myself watching another vampire program but here I am hooked! Need to find new reads now... apparently there is a series of books with Sookie in them as Amanda, another prior fat girl pointed out on her blog, may need to have a look for these....
But OMG! Real Housewives of New Jersey, do people really live like this ????? its unreal, I am totally hooked!
